Tell Me You're Sorry
by pokeitlikejello
Summary: HouseCuddy Fic. Cuddy made a choice in her past which she decided to keep from House. This secret is one she knows she can't keep from him forever.
1. Hesitation

**This is a multi chapter fic. House/Cuddy centered. I don't own any of the House characters. Please read and enjoy**!

* * *

She stirred. Groaning slightly, she opened her eyes and swallowed, her tongue feeling fuzzy. She reached up, running her hand through her tangled, dark curly hair. She dropped her hand back down and it landed on something firm. Eyebrows drawn together, she sat up, realizing she was naked as her temples began throbbing. She looked to her left and her mouth fell open at the sight of Gregory House asleep in her bed.

"Oh no..." Lisa Cuddy breathed.

Cuddy wrapped herself in the bed sheets, yanking them away from House, stirring him, but not waking him. She climbed out of her bed, wishing she could simply dress and sneak away. However, since it was her house that the deed had taken place in, she couldn't disappear in the morning... or could she?

As Cuddy located clothes that would be suitable to jog in, she wondered how she could let a night like this happen _again_. True, she had slept with House once before, but after that, decided it would never repeat due to House's relentless badgering and sexual comments over the following months after the first time they had 'done it.'

She drank. And when she drank too much, she became a little too uninhibited. Cuddy sucked in a deep breath and dressed into the jogging clothes she had picked out. Feeling her way through the darkness to her bathroom, Cuddy popped two aspirin and downed a full glass of water.

Cuddy stood in the doorway to the bathroom and stared at House's naked body laying face down on the bed. Through the silence she could hear him breathing. The night they had just shared was passionate... and possibly better than the first time they had slept together. However, Cuddy still wished she could undo it. She glanced at the glowing numbers of her alarm clock. It was too early to jog, but she wasn't going to wait in case House woke up.

Locating her keys on her dresser, Cuddy decided to go to her office and wait there until it was light enough outside to jog. She would return to the office and wear a change of clothes she would bring with her to be sure she could avoid House until he would show up at the hospital.

After Cuddy had gathered her clothes for later that day and made sure she had everything she would need, she focused her gaze on House, wondering if it was the best idea to run and leave him to his own devices in her home. She reached down slowly and picked up the bed sheet from the floor. She set it on top of House and left the bedroom.

* * *

**Four Years Later...  
**

* * *

Lisa Cuddy flipped through sheets of paper located within a patient's chart, standing behind her desk, her back to the door to her office. It swung open with ease and was barely shut when his loud voice caused her to jump.

"You stopped my procedure?" Gregory House swung his cane in annoyance, slamming it hard on the floor.

Cuddy closed the chart and turned around, setting the chart down on her desk.

"You can't do it, House." she told him, making sure her authoritative tone came through.

"Why not?" House's eyebrows raised, his eyes widening.

"Because it's unethical." Cuddy placed her hands on her hips.

"That's never stopped me before!" House exclaimed.

"Well, it should have." Cuddy replied.

"Fine, we won't do the procedure." House agreed, "We'll let the thirty two year old, mother of three die and I'll make sure you tell the family."

Cuddy narrowed her eyes, "Don't try to guilt me into giving you permission."

"Then, what do I have to do to get your permission?" House asked, "Sexual favors? Tell everyone that your breasts _are_ real?"

Cuddy folded her arms across her chest, "Find some other way to diagnose her illness without doing a procedure that may not help you and that you have no right to do."

"Now, why didn't think I think of that?" House acted shocked and then shook his head, "That's right. I already did! And there's no other way to diagnose the illness without doing-"

"Then, I suggest-" Cuddy cut House off, sternly, "You work _hard_ to find another way."

House paused, thinking a moment, then nodded, "Right."

House turned to leave. Cuddy turned her head slightly confused. She hurried to the door, passing House and sliding in between him and the door to her office.

"House. You can_not_ do this procedure." Cuddy locked eyes with House, "Do you understand me?"

"Sorry." House shrugged, "I don't speak barbaric, satanic broad."

"House, I am not kidding." Cuddy was practically fuming, House pushing her buttons, "I see that look in your eye, if you do this procedure-"

"You'll slap me with a ruler." House finished for her with a nod.

House turned and walked to the middle of Cuddy's office. He faced her, leaning onto his cane. Cuddy, however, held her ground in front of the door.

"What's the worst that could happen, Cuddy?" House asked, "My God, she'll live. That's just a terrible, awful outcome, isn't it?"

"It is when the patient does not need it." Cuddy answered.

"The patient doesn't need to live?" House asked, his eyebrows drawing together as he swung his cane over his shoulder.

"You're doing the procedure in order to cancel out what it's not." Cuddy said, "It's a risky procedure, she's already in an extremely weakened state, and she told you she had no former treatment for STDs, so whatever you're looking for by doing this wouldn't matter."

"Okay." House swung his cane down, "When we get the autopsy back, I'll let you know if you were right."

House began to walk back towards Cuddy and the door.

Cuddy shook her head, her dark curls bouncing, "You're still not doing the procedure."

House stopped within inches of Cuddy, "Fine. I won't do the procedure. And I would agree with you about the STDs, of course, if it wasn't for the small fact that everybody lies."

"Yeah." Cuddy agreed, harshly "They do."

House held his gaze on Cuddy, her comment intriguing him. He leaned in closer to Cuddy and lingered there a moment, taking in her angered facial expression and her pulled away body language. House backed up quickly and Cuddy stepped to the side of the door. House pulled the door open and passed through, heading off towards his mission.

Cuddy, feeling that House's eyes had somehow personally invaded her, sighed deeply. She straightened and headed to the phone on her desk. She picked it up and punched in a few numbers. After waiting a moment, someone picked up.

"Yes, this is Dr. Cuddy. I want you to be on alert for Dr. House... whatever you do, do not let him near room 2124..."


	2. Through Ice

**Since I hit the ground running by having the second installment written already, I decided to post it earlier than planned. Here's the next chapter. :o)**

* * *

Cuddy stood in her office, hands on her hips. House strode up to her office calmly and opened the door. He limped in and stood a good distance away.

"You bellowed?" House asked, making sure to overexaggerate his words.

"I told you that you could not do the procedure, House." Cuddy's tone indicated House had reached a black code number ten on the 'Cuddy is Pissed' richter scale.

"Right..." House replied, nodding a bit, "Somehow that got lost in translation."

"Oh, I see." Cuddy spat, "You must have misheard me the eight hundred times I told you no."

"Eight hundred and one probably would have been effective." House nodded more vigorously.

Cuddy glared, "I cannot believe you."

"I saved her life!" House exclaimed.

"By doing a procedure I specifically told you was forbidden for you to use for your purposes." Cuddy felt a headache coming on, "I even had a watch on her room so you couldn't get your greedy little hands on her, but somehow you managed to lie your way through that."

"And saved her life!" House put more emphasis on his words, throwing a hand in the air.

"You're suspended." Cuddy moved away from House and around her desk, picking up House's file.

"Excuse me?!" House took a step toward Cuddy's desk, "I seem to be having another communication problem."

Cuddy locked eyes with House, "I'm putting you on suspension, House."

"Because I saved a woman's life?" House asked.

"Because you defied me when I made myself quite clear." Cuddy threw House's file back onto her desk.

"So this is about your ego." House shrugged as if his explanation was quite simple.

Cuddy shook her head, her anger fuming so much she could barely get the word out, "No."

"Then, what is it, Cuddy?" House's face was reddening, "Did you want her to die? Wanted to prove some kind of point?"

"That's enough." Cuddy broke in before House could continue with his ranting, "You're suspended starting right now."

"For how long?" House's eyebrows drew together.

"Until I say." Cuddy answered, authoritative.

"Oh, yeah, that seems fair." House muttered, making sure Cuddy heard him.

Cuddy turned her back on House, shoulders trembling, her anger bubbling over. House looked her up and down, realizing he had never seen her this angry before. He thought about saying something soft, acting human for once. But, decided against it. That wasn't him. A biting and sarcastic comment fell on his tongue, but he couldn't bring himself to say it. Something was telling him she was already severely wounded.

"Go..." Cuddy's voice was so low, House wasn't sure if he actually had heard her.

"What?" he asked.

Cuddy turned around, "Get out of my office."

Not wanting lose the battle, House began talking, "Don't you think you should calm down so we can discuss this like adults?"

"Don't patronize me, House." Cuddy warned.

"I was under the impression one who was mentally incapable needed patronizing." House said, pointedly.

"Right, I'm crazy." Cuddy agreed, rolling her eyes, House recognizing her defenses starting to weaken due to all the fighting.

House turned his head to the side, speaking in a brighter tone, "I meant patronizing as supporting, not condescending."

"Of course you did." Cuddy's eyes met House's, "You're just angry because I told you no and I won't let you slide on it."

"Yes, I'm _very _upset." House poured sarcasm into every word.

"Please, get out of my office." Cuddy held a sigh, knowing if she did sigh, House would immediately play off her tiredness and annoyance of him

House feigned thinking hard about something and then looked directly at Cuddy, "No."

Cuddy decided to try a new tactic, "You're just mad, House, because I follow the rules-"

House quickly cut in, "The rules are what kill people-"

Cuddy continued her statement, "Which you think makes me a terrible human being."

"If it wasn't for me, she'd be dead." House was working on proving his point over Cuddy trying to prove hers.

"I don't always follow the great rules of the universe, House." Cuddy felt a rising within her and she knew she wasn't going to be able to stop her next words.

"-and you certainly know it." House finished his argument, pleased with himself, his ears catching the last of Cuddy's words.

"I aborted your baby."

Cuddy felt like she was going to vomit and closed her mouth. She looked down, away from House, knowing she couldn't bare to see his reaction. House stood frozen, taken a back.

"That doesn't sound like Cuddy." House said, looking towards the ceiling, thinking, "Unless she's trying to throw me off so I forget the argument and suspension and go home for the night."

House looked back at Cuddy, expecting to see her eyes piercing him, annoyance on her face, but instead, she was staring intently at the floor as if it was telling her the cure for cancer. House took a few steps closer to the desk. He stared at Cuddy until she finally raised her head, her eyes meeting his, the gaze causing him to actually feel uncomfortable.

"Now..." House started, "_What_?"

"How could I tell you?" Cuddy stated, her eyes never leaving House's.

"You're serious?" House asked, letting his guard down for only a moment.

"Yeah." Cuddy breathed her reply.

House pulled back a bit, "Are we still referring to tonight's issue or are you saying all of this because I skipped my Clinic hours for half of last week and made Cameron do the other half?"

"I didn't know about that." Cuddy replied.

"I knocked you up." House was partially squinting, trying to size Cuddy up.

"Four years ago." Cuddy said.

"And you kicked it to the curb." House continued and Cuddy nodded in reply to him, "You'll get my congratulatory card in the mail."

There was a pause, a shift in Cuddy's demeanor and her anger was back, "That's all you have to say?"

"What did you expect, Cuddy?" House threw annoyance into his voice, "Am I suppose to care about a dead fetus from four years ago?"

The room went silent. House stood still, staring at Cuddy, waiting for a reply. Cuddy's mouth was partially open in a sense of shock. Her mind was racing and she collected herself. House noted it in the way Cuddy's facial expression hardened before his eyes.

"I guess not." Cuddy's voice cold and it hit House hard, but he shook it off.

Cuddy stormed past House as he braced himself, expecting her to run into him or kick his cane out from under him. However, she did neither, but ignored his presence and left the room, taking the warmth of it with her. House, not one to let himself feel defeated, cocked his head to the side.

"And _I_ guess hormones are all over the place today, kiddies." House spoke out to no one before tapping his cane twice on the carpeted floor and exiting Cuddy's office.


	3. Your Ignorance

Cuddy sat poised at her desk. She had called James Wilson, asking if he was free to come to her office. It was still early in the day and House was finishing up his patient's chart, prolonging his time before having to report to Cuddy about his suspension. Wilson, who already knew of the suspension, was quite eager to talk to Cuddy about it and hopefully get the full story instead of the sarcastic, choppy tale House told. Cuddy's eyes followed Wilson as he moved to her office and entered.

Wilson spoke simply, "You can't suspend him."

"I know." Cuddy agreed, "Unfortunately, he's too great an asset to have on suspension."

Wilson walked to Cuddy's desk and took a seat in front of it, "He's going to humiliate and ridicule you to the bone when you take back the suspension."

Cuddy shook her head, "Doesn't matter. I'm making him work Clinic hours from hell."

Wilson looked Cuddy over, his intuition examining her. He was good at reading people, to which Cuddy was well aware. Wilson smiled.

"He really got to you this time." Wilson leaned back in his chair.

"I don't appreciate it when he purposely defies my authority and then flaunts his accomplishment in my face." Cuddy retorted to Wilson's true observation.

"He was right, though." Wilson raised his eyebrows with a small nod.

Cuddy let out a breath, "I know."

Wilson gave a parting smile and stood from his chair. He headed towards the door.

"Wilson."

Cuddy's voice stopped him. Wilson turned around.

"There's more?" Wilson asked.

"Did House say anything to you?" Cuddy ignored Wilson's question.

Wilson was intrigued, "About?"

Cuddy paused a moment, debating. Should she tell Wilson? She was quite certain House would let it spill soon enough and probably not only to Wilson, but also to his team, as well as half the hospital staff and a good majority of the patients.

"I was pregnant with his baby." Cuddy said, almost ashamed to admit something that, if it hadn't happened, would have sounded completely ludicrous.

"What?!" Wilson blinked, "When did...?"

"It was four years ago, Wilson, get over it." Cuddy's harsh tone came through.

Wilson paused and Cuddy waited as he calculated the new information, "You _were_ pregnant."

"Yeah." Cuddy replied and drew her eyes away from Wilson.

"Okay..." Wilson was nodding, "And you told House...?"

Cuddy looked back at Wilson, "Last night. We were having a heated argument and it just came out."

"And you want me to...?" Wilson spoke slowly, thoughts racing, wheels turning.

"See what he says about it." Cuddy answered.

Wilson raised his eyebrows, "Well, I do love a good challenge on a Monday."

Wilson stared at Cuddy a moment, then turned and walked out. He wasn't sure what he would do or say to House, but the news made him certain he had to say _something_.

* * *

Wilson entered House's office hesitantly. He smiled at his friend, "Good morning."

House, who had been playing a video game, set it down and stared at Wilson, almost disgusted, "She told you."

Wilson's eyebrows drew together, surprised, "How do you do that?"

"Once Cuddy opens the dam," House started, picking up his cane and standing, " She can't seem to shut it back up."

House limped past Wilson and made his way out of his office.

"Where are you going?" Wilson asked as he followed after.

"Smoke break." House replied, continuing on.

"House." Wilson caught up to House, striding alongside of him.

"I need to go get my punishment." House said, glancing at Wilson, "I've been a _bad_ boy."

House stopped at the elevators and punched the button on the wall, causing the small circle around the button to light. Wilson stood next to House.

"What are you thinking?" Wilson asked, turning slightly so he could see House's face.

"Nothing." House looked at Wilson and knew he would have to say something more if he ever wanted Wilson to get away from him, "She aborted it. Nothing to think about."

"You're not even a little curious about the whole situation?" Wilson asked, incredulous, "Why she aborted it without telling you? Wondering what it would have been like if she kept it?"

House shook his head, "Nope."

"You lie." Wilson accused.

The elevator doors slid open. House hobbled inside and turned around. He pressed the down button and then looked at Wilson.

"I never lie." House replied and the elevator doors shut, ending their conversation.

* * *

Cuddy's back was turned as she sat in her chair. She was piling charts from the Clinic into a sizable stack, preparing to go on a House hunt. She swiveled around in her chair, about to stand, when she jumped at the sight of House standing in the middle of her office.

"Should I have knocked?" House asked, turning his head slightly.

"I'm not suspending you." Cuddy stood from her chair, charts in hand.

"Ah, shucks." House pumped a fist, imitating a voice that was annoyingly childish, "That's the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me."

Cuddy frowned, "Don't think you're getting off scot free."

"I don't seem to be getting off at all." House interrupted, crudely.

"All you are going to be doing for the next two weeks is Clinic duty." Cuddy ignored his comment and dumped the charts into House's arms.

Cuddy moved past House, towards her office door. House spun around.

"What about my team?" He asked as if he actually cared.

Cuddy faced him, "I'm sure they'll find something constructive to do."

"What if someone has a mysterious, unsolvable illness?" House stalled.

"I'll call you." Cuddy glared and left her office.


	4. Likely Cause

House was sitting on the stool, sliding it back and forth, staring at the wall. He was counting in his head, seeing how long he could go without blinking. He heard the door open and the light was flicked on, causing House to blink.

"Dammit!" House looked to the exam room door to see Cuddy standing there.

"House, if you keep stalling, I swear you'll never go home." Cuddy warned, hand on her hip.

"If I distracted you with another fertilization, would you go away?" House asked, narrowing his eyes, waiting for Cuddy's reaction.

Cuddy held her eyes locked with House's then stepped back and yelled, "Next for exam room two!"

Four children all under the age of ten and a tired, drained mother entered the room. Cuddy slapped a chart on the counter and smiled at House before walking away, closing the exam room door behind her. House looked over all the kids and then at the mother.

"Which one of you is dying?" He asked as he pulled on latex gloves.

The mother was taken aback, "No one's dying. Jimmy's mouth is red."

House paused, almost laughing, but he suppressed it, "It's suppose to be."

"I know that." the mother shook her head, "It's like... bloody."

House looked at all the children crawling around the room, sticking their fingers in everything. He addressed them, "Which one of you hellions is Jimmy?"

A boy about seven with sandy blonde hair stepped closer to House, nearly peeing his pants in fright. He took his mother's hand.

"This is Jimmy." his mother said and then turned to her son, "Open your mouth."

Jimmy reluctantly opened his mouth. House reached for his flashlight and shined it into the kid's mouth. He looked it over once, placed the flashlight back in his pocket, and took out his notepad.

"He fell on his face." House told the mother and added to her shocked expression, "His nose is broken."

The boy's mother turned her son's face toward herself, looking him over, "He fell? Well, it doesn't look broken."

House pulled back, surprised, "I didn't know you were a doctor."

The mother glared, "I've got four kids. I've seen broken bones. His nose isn't even bruised."

"Not yet." House raised his eyebrows, tearing off the sheet from his notepad and extending it to the mother, "This is an otolaryngologist. He'll take care of your son. I advise you go now unless you want to buy your kid a nice wooden box to sleep in."

"It's that serious?" the mother looked back down at her son with concern.

"He's bleeding into his throat, of course it it." House was waving the paper now. The mother came back to attention and took the paper as House eyed her up and down, "And I would stop knocking the drinks back if I were you."

The mother stared at House, insulted, "What?"

"You're pregnant." House told her, looking towards her abdomen and then back at her face.

"That's impossible."she said, "Tom had a vasectomy."

"Tom lied." House replied.

The mother, quite insulted, gathered her children, taking special care to keep Jimmy by her side and ushered them out of the exam room. House's eyes widened and he sighed, annoyed that he had to deal with this crap. The exam room door opened and House looked over with disgust. A young woman in her mid forties with blonde hair entered, chart in hand. She extended the chart.

"The nurse said to give this to you." the woman said.

House reluctantly took the chart and opened it, glancing at the name. Patricia Waters. He closed the chart as Patricia sat on the exam bed. House looked up at her, sliding the stool back.

"What's the problem, Patricia?" House asked, searching his pockets for a piece of gum.

"I..." Patricia stared at House, "Do you need something?"

House stopped and looked back at Patricia, "Looking for my gum. Chewing helps me keep my mind off my drug addiction. Now, what is it you need, Pamela?"

"Patricia." she corrected.

"Right." House agreed.

"I have a fever." Patricia said, "A hundred and one. I don't feel quite right. And I have the chills."

"The chills." House repeated, looking Patricia over from a distance. He picked up his flashlight and shined it directly in her eyes.

Patricia put her hand up against the light, "Ow."

"That hurt?" House asked.

"Well, I didn't appreciate it." Patricia replied.

"Looks like we'll be running some tests today." House told her, a smile forming on his face

* * *

"Good afternoon team!" House burst into his conference room, "Let's celebrate today and the fact that there aren't any little Cuddys running around."

House looked at his crew. Cameron was seated, book in her lap, turned in the direction of Chase, who was sitting on the table. Foreman stood at House's dry erase board, a game of hangman in progress on it. His team looked at him, the expressions on their faces a mix between confusion and deer caught in the headlights.

"What is this?" House asked, throwing Patricia Waters' chart down on the table, "I'm in the Clinic for one morning and you're all acting like this is a fraternity."

"What fraternities have you been to?" Chase asked, noting the calmness of the room.

House hobbled to the dry erase board and stared at Foreman, "No touchy."

House erased the hangman game and wrote in big letters 'Symptoms.' Underneath he wrote, fever, all round badness, sensitivity to light, and chills. Chase took a seat in a chair next to Cameron, who was flipping through the patient's chart. Foreman stood off to the side, watching. House turned to his crew.

"What have we got?" he asked.

"That could be anything." Cameron said, confused.

"Aseptic meningitis." House replied and wrote it on the board.

"Well, I guess that fits..." Foreman started, trailing off, "But, it could also-"

House shook his head, "I want a lumbar puncture to check the CSF."

"Are you sure this is aseptic meningitis?" Chase asked.

"We'll find out after we get the tests back." House told him, annoyed.

"This case isn't particularly interesting at all." Cameron focused her gaze on House, "Why did you choose it?"

"Meningitis testing is better than being in the Clinic." House replied.

"This patient could just have the flu." Foreman argued, "We shouldn't due senseless testing on them when-"

"Ahtch." House held up a finger, silencing Foreman. He waved his hand, "Go. Shoo."

Chase, Cameron, and Foreman looked at each other. Cameron closed the patient's chart and led the team out of the room. House smiled to himself and took a seat.


	5. Undoubtedly Right

House was quite pleased with himself as he watched Cuddy angrily stride to his office. She thrust the door open and passed through, her fury clearly evident on her face.

"Yes?" House asked, calmly, placing his fingertips together.

"You're running tests on a woman with the flu, claiming she has meningitis." Cuddy said, "You're wasting time and money just to get out of Clinic duty."

"Which of the children told on _Daddy_?" House made sure he was going to press every last one of Cuddy's buttons.

Cuddy folded her arms across her chest, "This isn't funny, House."

"Damn." House's eyes clearly showed how much he enjoyed this, "I guess I need to work on my sketch comedy."

"If I find out that this woman had nothing but the flu and you used her to get out of Clinic duty-" Cuddy spoke slow, deliberate, making sure House was going to understand her.

"You're going to suspend me." House cut in, placing a smirk on his face, knowing he had her beat.

Cuddy walked to House's desk and leaned in, her face inches from his. House was tempted to look at her breasts, but he knew he needed to keep eye contact if he wanted to win this game of will and power.

"I will make your life a living hell at this hospital." Cuddy told him, "So, I suggest you look this woman over once more and make sure you know what you're doing. You're already skating on this ice."

House's eyes went to the side of Cuddy, following movement, "That won't be necessary."

Cuddy, surprised, straightened and turned, following House's gaze. Cameron, papers in hand, entered House's office.

"Patricia has a heart murmur." Cameron said, "It was slight, quiet, only there for a few seconds. We're trying to see if it occurs again."

"She _may_ have a heart murmur." House corrected, standing with the help of his cane, "If you only heard it once, Cameron, it-"

"She _does_." Cameron insisted, "I heard it. It's there."

House paced a bit, thinking, then stopped and looked at Cameron, "Did you know our friend Cuddy here was pro-life?"

"Um..." Cameron's eyes moved to Cuddy, confused.

"House..." Cuddy warned, glaring.

House shrugged, looking from Cuddy to Cameron, "She's not anymore. Isn't that odd?"

"House." Cuddy's tone was louder with a hint of panic. She stepped towards House.

House kept the forming smirk away, the cards in his hands, "What makes a person pro-life one day and pro-choice the next?"

Cameron was getting the feeling that there was something going on that she really didn't want to be a part of.

"I didn't have an abortion." Cuddy said, she was angry again, just not sure at who, "I lied."

Cameron's eyes widened, her mouth opening. She looked from Cuddy to House and to back at Cuddy, "I should probably... I need to go check..."

Cameron backed away without finishing her sentence and left the office. She took one last glance at House and Cuddy standing in the office, frozen, as if in a picture. Cameron shook her head, putting together the pieces, wishing her brain wasn't, and took off down the hall. Once Cameron was out of sight, Cuddy looked at House, who was staring at her, his eyes never leaving her face.

"I lied to you." Cuddy said.

House sighed, shaking his head, "Of course you did. Were you even pregnant, Cuddy? Or was this a mental game of manipulation?"

"I wasn't playing a game." Cuddy defended.

"Cross your heart and hope to die?" House cocked his head to the side, glaring in his trademark humorous fashion.

"House..." Cuddy began, not knowing where to continue, _how_ to continue.

"What is truth, Cuddy?" House was pacing, "Something to be preached and not practiced? Say things because you want them to be true? If that's the case, you're just like everyone else."

House turned towards his office door, preparing himself to leave. For some reason, he felt the intense need to get away from Cuddy. His head was too full to think about everything with her in the room.

"I _was_ pregnant." Cuddy needed him to stay. She needed to tell him the truth.

House stopped and turned, "Right..."

"I miscarried." the words were hard in Cuddy's throat and she nearly choked on them. House didn't leave, didn't move. Cuddy took a moment, preparing her words, "When I was at my sister's... I had a miscarriage. No one here knew. I just... kept it to myself."

There was a long pause as House processed the information. A recognizing dawned on him, "The stomach bug you caught?"

"I lied." Cuddy answered, barely able to keep her eyes locked with House's.

"My, you have been quite the liar." House couldn't keep himself from offering that biting remark.

Cuddy turned quickly away from House, not allowing him to see the pained expression on her face. Her eyes was tearing up and it angered her that she could be so weak in front of him. House stared at her backside then crossed silently, carefully, as if approaching a wounded animal kin to flight. He stopped behind Cuddy and reached out, touching her hair ever so gently. Cuddy tensed beneath his hand.

"Why didn't you tell me?" House's words were so soft, Cuddy was almost unable to recognize the voice as House's. Almost.

Cuddy swiped at her eyes, "Yeah, 'cause that would have been a conversation to behold. I'd have to keep a tally of all the wisecracks."

"I wouldn't have-" House stared, still trying to be gentle.

Cuddy faced him, "You would."

House took a step back, giving her some space. He smiled a half grin and tried to get her to laugh with his next comment, "Maybe a little."

Cuddy didn't laugh, let alone react at all. House lost his gentleness and he returned to his usual inquisitive tone.

"Why now?" he asked, his eyes looking for the answer in her face.

"What?" Cuddy was pulled from her own blank thoughts.

"Why tell me now?" House was wrapping himself in his own mind, not even fully listening to Cuddy as his thoughts began to overtake him.

"I just-" Cuddy started, looking for the correct answer.

House began to pace, fully engrossed in himself, "Why didn't I see it before? I overlooked it."

Cuddy stepped in, "I didn't expect you-"

"I was distracted that week. I barely saw you at all." House suddenly overcome with disgust for himself, "I believed your bug story."

"I tried to be convincing." Cuddy offered, hoping to ease whatever mental anguish House was thrusting upon himself.

House was shaking his head, still pacing, "I should have seen through it."

"You couldn't have-" Cuddy tried to explain or at least get a few sentences in.

House stopped and looked at her, "I could have." House crossed the room, stopping in front of Cuddy suspiciously, "Why did you tell me you had an abortion? Why not the truth?"

"I don't know." Cuddy shook her head ever so slightly.

"But, you do." House stared.

"It just came out that way." Cuddy felt like she was going to cry again, but she suppressed the urge, "Technically, it's a spontaneous abortion."

"Technically, you didn't think of it that way when you told me." House was right and he knew it, "Something was on your mind."

"Like what, House?" Cuddy knew he was catching on to her reasoning behind her words, but as of this moment, she still had him beat.

"There were no underlying causes to you abortion claim?" House was trying to read her, "Other than going by the 'medical term' for a miscarriage, that is."

Cuddy fixed her eyes on his intense blues, "No."

House leaned in, purposely invading her space, his eyes still connected with hers, "Your lies are faltering."

House pulled back and exited his office, leaving Cuddy once again feeling personally violated.


	6. From Somewhere

After House had stormed from his office, though he would vehemently deny he stormed, he ended up on the roof of the hospital. It wasn't until a pigeon landed next to his hand resting on the waist level ledge that he fully realized he was standing on the roof. He wasn't thinking, just breathing and ignoring his vibrating cell phone. After a good amount of time, Wilson stepped out and joined House on the roof.

"You're on the roof." Wilson said from the doorway and then crossed over to his friend.

"You're observant." House replied and then nodded towards the ledge, "Care to jump?"

Wilson chuckled, looking over and down towards the ground, "No."

House looked over the edge as well. He took in a breath. Wilson was studying him, wondering what had occurred between the time they had talked and this moment that changed House's demeanor. Wilson couldn't place the emotion, but he knew there was some sort of change.

"Your team was looking for you." Wilson spoke up, "They kept calling."

"I know." House glared, thinking hard. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone, which started vibrating again. He dropped it off the roof.

"House!" Wilson exclaimed, watching the cell phone fall and land among bushes.

"It was Cuddy." House looked up at Wilson, innocently enough.

Wilson's eyebrows drew together, "You didn't even look at it. It could have been your team... your mom..."

House looked over Wilson's shocked face, "I'm right."

Wilson sized House up, "Are you mad because she never told you or because you never figured it out on your own?"

"Neither." House detested.

"You're okay with what Cuddy did?" Wilson asked, preparing himself because he knew he wasn't going to get a straight answer.

"Yeah." House told him, knowing Wilson hadn't heard the latest news proclaiming "miscarriage."

"Really?" Wilson was taken aback, genuinely surprised.

"Of course." House held tightly onto his cane and added brightly, "I'm actually hosting an abortion party in her honor. It's a bit late, but better late than never, I always say. I would've invited you, but you're social skills suck unless you're talking to dying people and I thought that would've ruined the mood."

"House..." Wilson narrowed his eyes, "You use your sarcasm as a defense."

"Sarcasm?" House cut in, "I _never_ use sarcasm."

House moved past Wilson. Wilson turned, watching House, resting a palm on the roof ledge. House pulled open the door and hobbled through.

* * *

Cuddy stood in House's office. She waited until she knew he was not around or lurking somewhere in the hall before she exited. Cuddy looked into the hallway, taking extra precaution. She made her way toward the staircase, needing to escape. Usually, she never ran from her issues, but dealing with House made it nearly impossible not to run. But, then again, she didn't expect anything different.

Cuddy passed the elevators en route to the stairs. One of the elevator doors opened and a nurse stepped off. Cuddy found herself in the elevator as if taking the stairs had never crossed her mind to begin with. She paced like an animal caged. As soon as the doors opened, she flew out in the direction of her office. A doctor tried to step in to get her attention, but she barely heard a word before she was halfway down the hall, away from him.

When Cuddy entered her office, she hastily shut the blinds. She walked to her chair in the corner of the room and sat down. Cuddy was under the impression that when she was reached her office, she would break down and finally cry. But, as she sat there alone, the tears didn't come and she merely let out a sigh, placing her face in her hands.

* * *

Cameron walked into Patricia Waters' room, papers held tightly in her hand. Foreman was standing at the echocardiogram machine, watching the monitor while Chase stood next to Patricia, monitoring her heart with a stethoscope. Cameron stood in the doorway, her mind away from her.

"What did House say?" Foreman asked.

Cameron snapped back to attention. She shook her head slightly, "Um... he didn't."

"He didn't say anything?" Foreman was staring hard at Cameron.

"He was sort of busy." Cameron answered.

"You're talking about Dr. House, right?" Patricia asked from the hospital bed, "Has a cane?"

"That's him." Chase replied.

"I want to see him." Patricia said, looking from Chase to Cameron.

"Dr. House doesn't usually visit patients." Foreman said and then looked at Cameron, "Busy with what? This is his only patient."

"He was busy with Cuddy." Cameron offered.

"Like... _busy_?" Chase's tone indicated sex.

Cameron shook her head, answering in a shocked tone mixed with annoyance, "No."

"I'd really like to know what he thinks we should do next since the murmur hasn't repeated itself, but is somehow there." Foreman said, agitated.

"And I'd like to see him." Patricia spoke up.

"Why don't we go to his office and tell him to come find this heart murmur himself." Foreman stepped away from the machine.

"No!" Cameron protested a little too quickly.

"If they're not having sex, then what _are_ they doing?" Chase asked, suspiciously.

Cameron looked at Patricia, who was watching, interested, "I don't think we should be discussing this in front of a patient."

"It's okay." Patricia nodded, "I'm actually wondering why Dr. House is too busy to attend to a patient who is apparently very sick and has an 'undetectable heart murmur.' That's what you called it, right?"

"I'm wondering that, too." Chase folded his arms across his chest, directing his attention to Cameron.

"Chase." Cameron narrowed her eyes and then looked around the room, "It's none of our business what they were talking about!"

"You want to give House some privacy?" Chase asked, "Because he's the fellow that never spills secrets and never opens other people's mail."

"They were talking about a baby." Cameron gave up and then added, quite defeated, "At least, I think."

Foreman choked on a laugh, "A baby?"

"Their baby?" Chase was particularly grossed out.

"I don't know." Cameron replied, her eyes lingering on Patricia.

"Well, I think we should go up there." Chase said, "We need to see what House thinks."

"Fine." Cameron replied, feeling like she never should have given up the information so quickly and in front of a patient.


	7. Testing You

Cameron, Chase, and Foreman sat around the table, the patient's chart in front of them. Cameron was drumming her nails on the hard surface, while Chase was staring at the dry erase board.

"Maybe we should go look for him." Cameron spoke up.

"We kept calling him, he didn't answer." Foreman said, "When he feels like showing up, I guess he will. Hopefully, nothing will happen to our patient in the mean time."

"It's not like she's seriously ill." Chase said, "She probably just has the flu."

"A hear murmur has nothing to do with the-." Cameron was cut off by the door swinging open in the grand entrance of House.

"Why would a woman who miscarried," he started loudly, making sure to silence anyone in the midst of conversation, "Lie and tell someone she had an abortion?"

"Cuddy had a miscarriage?" Cameron asked, concerned.

"Did I _say_ Cuddy's name?" House stared at her.

"No, but-"

"Maybe she wanted to make a point." Foreman cut Cameron off, wanting to end this conversation as soon as possible by humoring House so they could focus on the patient, "She says she aborted the baby to make herself believe she wouldn't have wanted the baby anyway after she miscarried. Kind of like the Aesop Fable of the Fox and the Grapes."

"The what?" Chase turned in his chair to look at Foreman.

"There's this fox and-" Foreman started.

"She tells this abortion story to the father." House cut Foreman off, not caring about the fox and the grapes.

"It is Cuddy." Cameron insisted.

"Sh!" House turned quickly towards Cameron, then turned to Chase, who had not yet given him an answer.

"Maybe she wanted to make him upset." Chase shrugged.

"Hm... now why would she want to do that?" House thought a moment, mulling this over, getting silence from his team. He threw his arms out, expecting an answer, "Hello?"

"Could be any number of reasons." Foreman said, unsure of the answer himself.

"Right." House nodded and changed gears suddenly, "So, what've we got on the case?"

"Cameron says she heard a heart murmur." Foreman told House.

"I did." Cameron cut in, glaring at Foreman.

"Chase and I couldn't find it." Foreman continued, "And the patient wants to see you."

The phone began to ring in House's office. He looked toward it and stared, then turned back to his team.

"Then... let's go." House began to lead the way out of the room.

Cameron stood and indicated the phone, "Aren't you going to...?"

House stopped and shook his head, "No."

House picked up his pace out of the office followed closely behind by Cameron, Chase and Foreman.

* * *

House burst into the patient's room, making Patricia jump. Cameron and Foreman followed in after. Chase had gone to the lab to pick up the meningitis test results.

House crossed over to the hospital bed and pulled out his stethoscope, "I hear your heart is playing games with my team." House leaned in and listened to Patricia's heart. No murmur, "We're basing everything on the fact that _Cameron_ heard something."

"I did." Cameron was annoyed that no one was believing her.

"Yeah right." House rolled his eyes.

"What's wrong with me?" Patricia asked, concern etched across her face.

Chase entered the room, a piece of paper in hand, "The tests came back negative." He met Patricia's eyes, "You don't have meningitis."

"Thank God." Patricia replied.

"Looks like the flu, House." Foreman said, folding his arms across his chest, knowing he was right.

"Dr. House, is it the flu?" Patricia asked, looking to House, "The flu isn't so bad."

"It's not the flu." House shook his head.

"House!" Foreman exclaimed.

"It's endocarditis." House said, looking to his team.

"What?" Chase's eyebrows drew together in confusion.

House reached out and picked up Patricia's hand. He flipped it over revealing small red spots that almost resembled something like a blister.

"I was doing yard work and I wasn't wearing any gloves so I figured they were just blisters." Patricia tried to explain, not knowing the extent of her illness.

"They're not blisters." House told her and then turned back to his team, "They're Janeway lesions. A symptom." House turned back to Patricia, "You've had rheumatic fever as a child?"

Patricia thought for a moment, shocked, "Yeah..."

"Which you neglected to state in your chart." House pointed out and he could hear the sigh of Foreman's annoyance, which caused him to smile for only a second, "Endocarditis is treatable."

House walked over to his team, "I want you to get a blood culture, CBC, and a chest x-ray to confirm it and start her on antibiotics."

House began to walk away.

"That's it?" Cameron asked, stopping House, "She did have a heart murmur, then?"

"If you say so." House answered and attempted to leave again.

House moved even closer to the door, but Cameron stopped him again when she spoke.

"You knew all along?" she asked.

"Yeah." House directed the answer to her.

"You really just wanted to get out of Clinic duty." Chase deduced, in a sort of awe.

"Yep." House told him, "Now, go make her better."

House exited the room, the door closing behind him. Cameron looked to Chase, who gave a shrug. Patricia looked on anxiously from her bed.

Foreman shook his head, "He really is an ass."


	8. The Truth

**This is the last chapter of the fic. It's longer than the other chapters because it includes a much needed flashback. Thank you to everyone who read, I really appreciated the feedback:o)**

* * *

Cuddy was gathering up her jacket and briefcase, thankful that the day was over and she could go home and forget about House and herself and her problems. She wanted to drink some wine, take a hot bath, and go to bed. However, as she was about to slip on her jacket, she noticed House was standing in the open doorway. He entered, making sure to shut the door behind him.

Cuddy set her things down on her chair and moved around to the front of her desk, "I heard your patient didn't have the flu."

"You heard correctly." House replied.

House opened his jacket, revealing he had been keeping two beers hidden within it. He held the tops of the beer bottles with one hand as he limped across the room to Cuddy. Cuddy and House both leaned their backs against the desk. House twisted the cap on the beer and extended it to Cuddy.

"Thought you could use a drink." House said.

It wasn't wine, but Cuddy did need a drink. She reached out to take it, but House quickly pulled it out of her grasp.

"You're not with child _now_, are you?" House leaned in towards Cuddy, searching for the answer.

Cuddy glared and House returned the beer to her. He opened his own. They remained in silence, each drinking their own beer.

"So, you want to say anything? Or should we get right down to the sex?" House broke the silence in the only way he knew how.

"She... he... would have been turning four this year." Cuddy spoke so low House strained to hear her even though he remained next to her. Cuddy wouldn't look at him.

House waited a moment, letting it sink in before giving the comment that immediately sprang into his mind, "That is if you had the little ball of satanic fury."

Cuddy looked up at House, accusingly, "It was your baby, too, you know."

"Yes, but your cult-laden DNA would have killed my good genes and wit." House replied and Cuddy smiled, almost sadly, in spite of herself.

Cuddy pressed her weight against her desk, practically sitting. She set her beer down next to her. House took a swig of his and turned to Cuddy.

"Were you even going to have the kid?" House asked, his tone serious as he eyed Cuddy up and down.

"I... don't know." Cuddy answered his question, her mind switching off and going to a place she tried never to visit.

**3 years, 10 months, 2 weeks, 2 day ago**

Cuddy stood outside her sister's home. She was waiting, quite impatiently, her eyes red and watery. The door swung open and Cuddy smiled through her tears at her younger sister, Dory. Dory stood in the doorway, quite taken aback.

"Lisa Anne." Dory looked over her sister.

"Dorothy Judith." Cuddy replied, the familiar greeting the two sisters always exchanged when seeing each other providing her some comfort.

Dory's face softened, "Come here."

Dory pulled Cuddy into her, hugging her tightly. She ushered Cuddy into the house and closed the door quietly behind her.

"What happened, Lisa?" Dory asked, concerned.

Cuddy was shaking her head, having been going through a mental breakdown for the past few hours, "I needed to get away. Can I stay with you? For the weekend?"

"You're scaring me." Dory's eyebrows were drawn together, "What's going on?"

Lisa closed her eyes, swallowing hard and then taking a deep breath, "I... where are your boys?"

"They're asleep." Dory answered softly, "And James is on the night shift tonight. He'll be back tomorrow morning."

Cuddy nodded, "I'm pregnant, Dory."

"You're... how far along?" Dory asked, "Who's the father? Are you keeping it?"

"Five and a half weeks." Cuddy began with the first question, answered the second one bitingly, and sighed before answering the third, "_Gregory House_. And I don't know."

"Gregory House?" Dory repeated, "That doctor you told me about? The one you went to college with. _That _Gregory House?"

Cuddy nodded in response. She straightened, her back stiff, "Do you think I can have some decaffeinated tea or something? I feel like a mess."

"Of course." Dory moved into the kitchen, Cuddy following behind her.

Cuddy sat down at the table, her hands entwined anxiously. Dory set a teapot of water on the stove to boil and then turned to her sister.

"Did you tell him?" Dory asked.

Cuddy shook her head, "No. I don't even know if I'm keeping it. But, I don't want to talk about this. I came here to get my mind off of it. I need to watch movies and eat chocolate, preferably in the form of ice cream."

Dory smiled, "Sure thing."

* * *

The credits were rolling and both women were full from ice cream. Cuddy shifted on the couch, her back causing her a dull pain. She blamed it on the car ride down and being stuck in traffic for two hours. Dory, who had been resting her head on Cuddy's shoulder, sat up.

"We should get to bed." Dory said, "You can take a shower in my bathroom. I'm afraid the boys took over the other one and the floor's covered in toy soldiers."

Cuddy smiled at her sister, but her face fell, "Dory... if I... had an abortion... do you think... would you be disappointed?"

"Lisa, you could do anything and I would never be disappointed." Dory answered.

"Sometimes I forget which one of us is older." Cuddy smiled at her sister again.

Dory returned the smile, "Come on."

* * *

Cuddy exited the shower feeling a lot better. She slid on a pair of underwear and her bathrobe. She examined herself in the mirror, the baby coming back into her mind. It was nice to have forgotten about it for a brief amount of time, but she knew she had to decide on what to do soon. She flicked off the light and exited the bathroom.

Cuddy was barely in her sister's bedroom when a sudden pain came into her abdomen, causing her to double over, clutching at the site of the pain. She cried out, the throbbing and sharp, shooting pains getting worse.

"Lisa?" Dory entered the bedroom and crossed to her sister's side quickly, "Are you okay?"

Cuddy shook her head through the pain, "No..." she groaned and was near tears, "It hurts."

"Oh my God." Dory was staring at Cuddy's legs, "You're bleeding."

Cuddy followed Dory's gaze to see bright red blood dripping from under her robe. She looked at Dory, their eyes connecting.

"Call an ambulance." Cuddy commanded, still clutching her stomach through the pain.

* * *

"You okay?" Dory entered the room slowly, finally being able to see her sister after the doctor examined and made sure Cuddy's uterus was clear after the miscarriage.

Cuddy didn't answer at first. Her face was stone, "This is my fault."

"No..." Dory crossed the room quickly, sitting herself down on the dark blue cushioned table next to Cuddy, "This isn't your fault at all."

"I didn't want it." Cuddy said, her emotionless voice scaring her sister, "It knew. It knew, so it got rid of itself before I could do it."

"You didn't know what you were going to do." Dory offered.

"But, I was unsure if I wanted to keep it and maybe if I had been sure I wanted this baby, then maybe it would have hung around a little longer." Lisa replied, angrily.

"Lisa, you're a doctor." Dory reasoned with her sister, "You know you didn't cause this."

"This goes beyond medical understanding, Dory." Cuddy lowed her voice, lost in her thoughts, feeling for the first time in her life that medical field, and all it entailed, was complete bullshit, "On some emotional, transcendental level, this baby knew... and it decided not to choose _me_."

Dory nodded slowly, blinking and causing tears to fall from her eyes. She wrapped her arms around Cuddy and held her sister.

* * *

"That's funny, I thought Dr. Cuddy knew everything." House replied, bringing Cuddy away from the memories that flashed through her mind. He paused, debating his next words and if he should even say them at all. He had to, though, because he knew, with Cuddy being Cuddy, that she was placing blame in the wrong place, "It wasn't your fault, Lisa."

House took in a breath and stood, making his way to the door. Cuddy suddenly felt like crying, but she wouldn't break down in front of him. She _couldn't_ break down in front of him. She would wait until he left. She was still Cuddy. He was still House.

"I'm sorry." Cuddy said a little too loud and House turned. She lowered her voice, "I'm sorry I never told you."

House's eyes lingered on Cuddy's face, "Me too."

House turned back around and limped from Cuddy's office. Cuddy with her hand unconsciously placed on her lower abdomen remained still, unaware of the tears that ran down her face.

* * *

**Fin.**


End file.
